How we talk and listen to each other is a very important factor in how we feel about ourselves. This feeling about ourselves is called our Self Esteem.

Everything that you would like to say to people can be fitted into one of the headings of the Daily Temperature Reading.

When you become used to using the temperature reading on a daily basis, you will be;

• avoiding storing up resentments by leaving
• feelings unexpressed feeling better about yourself and hence about your relationship
• helping your partner to feel better by being more heard
• helping your partner to see more of whom you are, and what you like and what you do not like

Loving someone was defined by Stanley Kellerman as ‘having the courage to show them whom we really are’ (In other words, we are not using up energy and time trying to wear a mask, or be someone that we think they would like, or would like us to be. That will only eventually cause resentment in the relationship because we are working too hard and not being authentically ourselves).

Remember in the temperature reading to talk about yourself. Start as many of your sentences as you can with ‘I …’.

Begin by arranging a time that suits you both, making sure that neither of you is compromising yourselves in a way that could end up with you feeling squeezed for time.

Sit comfortably when you meet and close enough to easily and comfortably reach out and touch each other. Each person has a chance to share in each section and the other listens without interrupting, before moving to the next section.

Like anything new, it will feel clumsy and awkward to start with and rather false and unnatural. It will take time to find you can adapt to your own more familiar language but as it grows as a habit you will find it enormously helpful.